Though I’ve stayed away from war-related topics so far I guess it was inevitable. I left out my views on the war, as most people who know me know my basic view anyway. Here we go:
Grieving the loss of a loved one is something everyone goes through at some point. I lost my grandmother almost two years ago and my grandfather last year. That is as close as it has gotten for me. I loved them. But they lived long lives and left a lot to show for it.
The lives lost in this war against terror are appalling and tragic to say the least. I can’t begin to imagine the anguish a mother or a father faces with the loss of a child. I’m not going to pretend I can.
People deal with the grief of death in different ways. I cry and choose not to talk about it. Others feel that talking about it is necessary in remembering the life of their loved ones. Others think that a funeral is a place to pay their final respects while I prefer to remember the last time I sat in my grandma’s living room. We talked about my dream wedding – where I wanted it to be, what it would look like. She longed to go. I could tell, but there was no plan in place…no fiancé. She told me she wished she could be there, and I responded by saying she would be. And she told me the truth…that she was growing old and tired and that she probably wouldn’t make it.
I sat with Papa the week before he died, in his little house with the towel over the window in the door and an air conditioning unit in the window. He asked me about my job, about school…He told me to hurry and become a lawyer because he’d seek my legal advice -this coming from a man who never hurt a fly as long as I knew him (though he did wrestle an alligator.)
I loved them both. The older I got the more I longed for relationships with them. I enjoyed a few years, in adulthood, with them.
A woman named Cindy lost her son, Casey in the war on terror recently. As I said, I can’t begin to phantom her loss. I can’t pretend I know how her family feels. I don’t know how to tell them to cope.
Casey died defending freedom. He was there to protect us, to protect the world from terror. There is so much evil going on, and soldiers have volunteered to defend us from the horror. The dictionary defines war as “A concerted effort or campaign to combat or put an end to something considered injurious” He should be honored for that. Every soldier should be honored for that.
I understand a tiny piece of his mother’s frustration, hurt; anger…And I understand a lot about wanting to blame someone else for things that happen that are not fair.
Please, to all who read this, understand; I don’t claim to know what the answer to the war on terror. I don’t know how to explain to someone that their son or daughter or mother or father won’t be coming home. All I know is that these soldiers have offered to pay a price I have never considered paying. I don’t know how they do it – another thing I don’t understand.
But Cindy- the president didn’t kill your son. He is doing what he is doing (his job) because he believes it is what is best for this country. No one likes war. We all hate it. The president hates it. Everyone who loves America, who loves people, must hate it. I hate it. I don’t understand how terrorists can be so cruel, so deaf to the heartbeat of life. I can’t imagine it.
There is no reasoning with terrorists, no peaceful end without war first.
Like many families who go unnamed, the Sheehan family must take time to grieve the loss of their son, grandson, nephew, cousin…They deserve that time minus the media circus surrounding the protest of a heart-broken, devastated mother.
Maybe this is Cindy’s way to cushion the intense grieving herself. Maybe it is her way to deal with the unanswered questions surrounding the death of her son.
At some point, maybe she will be ready to go home and direct her anger towards the real culprit.
Our president has a thick skin. He’d have to. So while I disagree with Cindy about the guilt of her son’s blood, I believe the president will understand that Cindy just has not yet found the direction of her anger.
It is my prediction that at some point she will retire from this protest to join her family in grieving for their loved one. For the time being, while it seems she is busy pushing her own political agenda by way of her son, we must give her the benefit of the doubt and understand that she is doing the only thing she knows to do now.
I wish for her the peace that I’ve seen others find that comes after the hurt and the pain subside at least a little. I doubt the pain ever goes away completely. But I hope for her, her family and other families in similar positions that they can find a way to reminisce in the memory and take infinite pride in the lives of their loved ones.
